One conversational tweak that'll make you a better networker

Great networkers are givers, not takers.  That's a key insight to mastering the art of connection. 

Too often, when we think we are 'networking', we are actually trolling for assistance in one of our ventures.  We are screening people to see if they have use to us, and if we might possess currency we can trade for their assets.  It's a quid-pro-quo approach, and to me, is just salesmanship. 

Networking occurs when you connect two or more people together that should meet - and then get out of the way! (BTW: If you expect something in return for your networking efforts, you are just a broker that's peddline your network). 

So, here's the best way to change from a Prospector or Broker into a real-live Networker of value: Stop asking people "What do you do?" Instead, ask them, "what are you doing these days that I might be able to help you with?" Resist all tempations to uncover potential value to you, and ignore their offers to pay it back. 

By focusing on what others are doing, dreaming about, trying to do, struggling through, etc., you shift your perspective from trading to contributing.  Dale Carnegie said it best: "You will win more friends and accomplish more in the next two months, developing a sincere interest in two people than you will ever accomplish in the next two years, desperately trying to get two people interested in you."

The best networkers I've ever met, such as Keith Ferrazzi, spend 80% of their conversations probing to find out how he can add value through an introduction.  80%.  He's relentless when he asks, "what are you enthused about these days," and as a result, has the unique opportunity to enrich hundreds or thousands of lives per year.  

For more, read Masters Of Networking by Ivan Misner. 

Comments

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[Yasmin]

Excellent post, great insight, and lots to think about. Thanks for sharing it.

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[Debra Hermsmeier]

Tim, excellent tip on networking. It is a joint connecting that occurs. When we can mutually share our dreams too - and even move to the next level of finding a commonality so we can dream together - we can bond and reconnect in the future over what we can accomplish together with each other and our networks.

[Patti DeNucci]

Great post, Tim. And I especially love that you embody and practice the generous, giving nature that you communicate here and in your work. I still believe, however, that networkers should have an idea of what they are seeking in terms of great connections, resources, information, and opportunities. It's a disservice to deny others the opportunity to share with us and help us, especially when we are heart-centered and purpose-driven. I'm not saying we should be "takers" or relentless peddlers, but we can strive for a lovely, fair balance of giving and receiving. This is what creates dynamic and strong relationships. I love showing up and sharing with others; they may get the same satisfaction out of doing the same for me. If we all give more than we receive, we all win and can create the web of support that gets things done.