Instead of asking, "how's it going," try this instead!

In any turbulent time period, like now, asking "how's it going" will often bait a negative response. 

"Just hanging in there," is a consistent reply.  "Trying to survive" is pretty typical.  And then the conversation goes south, focusing on lack, worry and dread.  In my latest book, Today We Are Rich, I talk about how important it is for us to lead the conversation forward. 

Talking about how bad the economy is constitutes a sideways conversation.  You cannot be afraid enough of the future to make it better - in fact, you'll often make it worse!  

Dale Carnegie trained his YMCA students in the 30's to ignite positive conversations by opening with "what's the good word?".  It changes the conversation, the mood and the direction of the talk. You could also ask people the following: 

1 - What are enthused about these day? 

2 - What are your working on these days? 

3 - Tell me something intersting, I'm dying to hear about something new and cool. 

In each instance, you'll discover how critical the conversation starter question is to the tone of everything to follow.  Leaders need to lead conversations into a place of solution, hope and constructive thinking.  It's a question of where we point our minds!  As Dr. Norman Vincent Peale once wrote, "If you can worry, you can visualize success." 

 

Comments

[Christopher Battles]

I really enjoyed this. I do not like the "whatsup" greetings, although I find my self doing them to sometimes. My answer sometimes to "whatsup" is something like "clouds" or "birds that are not dead" or something just to see what the person says.

I heard a podcast saying to say something along the lines of "Good and getting better" when people ask you, "How are you doing?" to share the positive "getting better" with them and as an encouragement to yourself. I find the "getting better" as a good reminder to me, especially when I do not feel "Great!"

Back to your side of the coin - I like starting off a greeting with these questions. Now to make them a habit. :) They will start to make a more personal conversation and show that you are interested in them and more than the "weather" or more than "what did you do yesterday?" when you see the person regularly like a coworker.
Thank you Tim!

K, bye

[Jim PHX]

A side effect of all your alternative lines is they show a definite personal interest. And interestingly enough, they also avoid the easy formula of saying "How are you" or... of anything like business as usual. That's what's been lost for a long time in our culture - personal engagement that is deeper than financial or other superficial exchanges.

[Jerry Hingle]

This is a good entry, it's short and sweet. Thanks for the tip.

[Ed Drozda]

You make a great point. Opening with a line that nurtures possibility is like providing a breath of fresh air. I am eager to give this a go.

[Andy Himes]

I like this bit of advice; focusing on the positive instead of the negative. I will try it out today and see how it goes!

[David J. Pollay, The Law of the Garbage Truck]

Excellent guidance as always, Tim.

David