How To Deal With Failure

This morning I appeared, briefly, on the Mancow radio show. 

I can't say it was a victory, except he said the name of my new book and gave out my website on the air.  I got up at 5am or so, drank my coffee and did final run thrus of my punchy-points for our five minutes:  How he stayed confident when he was fired, how others can pick themselves back up, etc. When I went live, of course, the interview went in another direction and before I knew it, I was finished - without really succeeding at selling the book's concept.  I came across as a fool. 

It's not a big deal, just a minor failure in life among many (promotional) opportunities.  What do I do with it?  I could let it eat at me, like most people do when they don't realize their expectations, or I could extract a lesson from it and move on.  In this case, the lesson is to prepare even more, and realize that any mention of me or my book is a victory.  

This brings up an important point for you.  In your life, you'll have winning times and losing times. Are you prepared for the #fails?  If you are not, they can knock you out of your momentum loop and spin you sideways.  Your inner voice will re-run the failure over and over again until regret sets it. To pinch something from Eckhart Tolle, "your mind will chew on you like a dog chews on a bone." 

Here's how to deal with a fail, be it big or small: 

1 - Eat the nut, dump the shells.  This is a lesson Billye taught me as a kid when I was being teased by my church mates after singing at camp.  Criticism or failure is a gift, it teaches you something important.  If you don't succeed, there's always a reason why - it's never just bad luck.  If you were in the wrong place at the wrong time, then you need to get a better navigational system!  

Don't kill yourself playing the woulda-coulda-shouldn't routine over and over in your head. Once you derive your takeaway from the failure, forget the details like throwing away a batch of shells.  Or as Billye loved to tell me, "it's OK to make mistakes, just make new ones!" (see this video: Nut and Shell Lesson for more.)

2 - Be grateful for the opportunity.  If you failed, that means you got your chance to play.  Most people don't, they just muddle through, wishing they had a fraction of the opportunities you do. Gratitude, even in the face of adversity, will help you pick yourself back up and prep to win another day. 

3 - Find your next chance to win.  Even though your project may have failed, remember, it wasn't the end all in your career!  Success is not a destination, it's a direction...forward.  You are likely stronger now, lesson in hand and experience under your belt.  So leverage the learning by getting back on your horse and trying again.  I'm going to focus my energies on getting another big radio opportunity, and next time, I'll be an improved me and who knows - maybe it'll be a blessing that I whiffed this AM.  But I'll never know if I keep letting a single botched interview beat down my confidence. 

 

Comments

[Laura M]

Thank you for writing this. :)

I have felt blue about a failure that happened to me a few days ago. Having a geat opportunity, courage to sign in, and a LOT of practice, gave me confidence. But after my performance, frankly, I felt I had failed myself. And it's a whole new kind of feel of disappointment when you know you have prepared well and still fail.

But after reading this, my viewpoint has changed. "Your inner voice will re-run the failure over and over again until regret sets it", that is the perfect way to describe my feelings, so perfect it made me laugh! I know I have to think my failure as a stepoint to success, and all that. Unluckily it doesn't always feel like the right way to think, and it doesn't seem to be a good solution, because it's a lot easier just to be down and give up.
But with the 'experience under my belt', I feel like I'm ready to leave my failure behind, and focus on my next chance to success. So thank you for, well, making my day. :)

[Rober171]

I seem to go by two quotes when facing failure in my own life. The first is a quote from Randy Paush's Last Lecture. It is: "Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted." Like you said, failure "teaches you something important." You now have "experience under your belt," allowing you to turn around and make changes to what you most desire. With time AND experience, you are likely to achieve this want.

The second is by Navy Capt. Charlie Plum, who was shot down in Vietnam and was a prisoner of war for six years. He said, "Adversity is a terrible thing to waste." I have learned a lot about myself, especially my willpower to pursue in times of struggle and failure. I would never take back the times I faced adversity because they have made me the person I am today.

I believe failure is truly the path to success. In my eyes, it is a privilege to fail. It gives you the chance to stand out the second time around. I will take that advantage any day!

[The Franchise King]

Tim,

great hearing you speak at #SOBcon.

You impacted me. And you slowed me down. (In a good way)

The Franchise King®

[Adonis Lenzy]

Tim,

Great stuff as always. Thanks for sharing.