Sanders Says

Leverage the Law Of Reciprocity

Today's post will offer a free excerpt from Saving The World At Work. 

For the rest of September, I'm continuing my relaunch campaign for the book.  If its message resonates with you, please consider my special offers during this period, or better yet, join the campaign and help spread the word.

In the book, I outline six different laws that effective change-the-world people follow daily.  One of the six laws is what I call "The Secret For Business" -- The Law of Reciprocity.  Leverage and obey this law, and you'll harness the give-back nature of being human.  

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The Law of Reciprocity states that people will give back when they’ve been given to.

For the most part, every time you do the right thing for your customers, employees, partners, and/or greater community, these people will find a way to repay you, through loyalty, by giving thoughtfulfeedback to improve your business, by telling their friends to buy from you or to work at your company.

     As Adam Smith, the grandfather of Western economic philosophy, wrote in The Theory of Moral Sentiments: “No benevolent man ever lost altogether the fruits of his benevolence. If he doesn’t always gather them from the persons from whom he ought to have gathered them, he seldom fails to gather them from other people, and with a tenfold increase. Kindness is the parent of kindness.”

     Since Smith, thousands of equally intelligent people have made similar claims. Yet we often find the Law of Reciprocity difficult to believe. This doubt is due in part to the fact that we grossly exaggerate the number of times people don’t repay our thoughtfulness. We hate to be wrong about making bets on people, so when it happens, we remember those incidents much more vividly than those in which people pay our kindness back with kindness.

     But adherence to this law actually expands our ability to trust people and make investments in them. We develop informed faith and a purposeful sense of trust in people’s nature; we make a leap and put our money on people doing the right thing in the long run; we believe goodwill eventually produces profits and revenue.

     Several years ago Jim Goodnight, CEO of SAS Institute, asked me to speak at a leadership event for his company in Las Vegas. One night Jim took my wife, Jacqueline, and me to a casino, and although Goodnight is a billionaire, he searched high and low for a five-dollar blackjack table. When he found one, he gambled one chip at a time, despite the fact that he had developed a winning mathematical formula.  Given his wealth, I asked Jim why he bet so conservatively. “I make all my big bets on my people,” he replied.

     Make an informed bet on a person at work and note his or her inclination to give back. If you’re a manager, make a bet on one of your direct reports. If you’re a clerk, take a gamble on a coworker. If you’re a purchasing agent, make an investment in a supplier. I believe you will find, more often than not, that the other person will recognize and appreciate your investment and make an attempt to reciprocate.

You may even find that they outgive you. For example, when you invest time in mentoring an employee, you may well discover that he or she gives back multiples of your investment in time, effort, and effectiveness.

 

Oh hush your mouth!

Over the last few weeks, three high profile people have failed to shut their mouth -- and landed in hot water as a result!  Joe Wilson ("You Lie!"), Serena Williams ("I will shove this ball down your throat!") and Kayne West ("Beyonce made the best...") all said what was on their mind at the time.

That's the problem.  

If you always say what's on your mind in real time, you will eventually find out that some things are best kept to yourself (or shared in a private place.)  Shouting out that the president of the United States is a liar on national TV is not smart by any analysis.  Physically threatening a demure line judge isn't something a tennis coach would recommend. Interrupting an acceptance speech is always considered a no-no, regardless of who is involved. But all three did it anyway.  Why?  Because they felt empowered by their status. 

Empowerment is what got them in trouble.  All three of them were surprised at the backlash to what they did. Often, there is a huge gap between what we think is an appropriate outburst and what the world thinks is fair.  When the act is captured on video tape, then the backlash exponentially spreads.  

Don't let empowerment and YouTube get you too.  You should always assume that you don't have the power or authority to interrupt or threaten anyone in real time -- even if the situation doesn't seem fair or just to you at the time.  Consider their stories a cautionary tale for your life too.  Remember, their #1 fault was speaking their mind in real time. 

For the last five years, I've been giving talks on the importance of cultivating Emotional Talent.  Much of that work was based on the research I did for my second book, The Likeability Factor.  From that body of work, here are three tips on how to keep those negative thoughts to yourself next time you are in a public place: 

1. Remove yourself from the situation.  If Joe Wilson got up and left the talk, it would have been far less worse for his career than the outburst.  Kayne could have left (he's done it before).  

2. Delay gratification.  There is no reliable research that indicates you'll feel better or be healthier by expressing your frustration in real time.  When you blurt out what's on your mind, you are going for the instant gratification of getting the negative thought "off your chest" -- and in their case, into the public eye.  Stop  yourself, and promise to have your outburst later in private.  

3. Visualize the backlash.  Just as you see the white light, get a hot flash across your face and feel your blood pressure soar, pretend Dr Phil is asking you, "What were you thinking when you made that outburst?" By seeing the potential results, you'll often cool down and realize that you are about to do some serious damage to your personal brand.  That extra beat of consideration can be the key in sucking it up and waiting to fight another day. 

Bring me in to speak on Emotional Talent at your next meeting.  

Own your pride, don't let it own you

Is pride a good thing or a bad thing?  That's a fair question.  

This week ends with a two minute recording with my thoughts on how to make pride a good thing in your life -- not an albatross that keeps you from being resilient.  

Download Pride2

Share the love

More than ever, we need to share. 

Do you share your skills and resources with your business partners? Often, we focus our giving on internal team members.  However, you likely have dozens of business contacts that could leverage your skills during these challenging times.  A recent USA Today article highlighted generous professionals with a little time on their hands that gave away their services to needy clients.  Watts Wacker is a true Lovecat. 

For example, let's say you have a great business development skill set.  You often sell your consulting services, which range from planning to operations.  These days, though, you've got some free time on your hands -- which you fill with sales and marketing activities to fill the pipeline.  Think different.  Write down a list of all your business contacts from suppliers, to partners, to service providers to fellow association members.  Next to each of their names, if you think you can help them with your advice, write down a single sentence about it.  Call them on the phone and offer to help, no strings attached.  

When I did this exercise, I realized that I could help four of my day-to-day business contacts with no out of pocket investment.  For one of my service providers, I offered some direct marketing advice.  For another, I offered advice on how to deal with a recently departed employee who was setting up shop to compete with her former employee.  For yet another, I offered to network him with two new potential customers.  In less than a few hours, I was able to help make a difference in the lives of business contacts I've relied on during good times and bad.  I felt great, and know that I've made an investment in my business eco-system at a time it's buckling under serious pressure. 

From the pages of my book (Saving The World At Work), here's a classic example of taking this exercise and thinking big: Consorta is a health care procurement company with a core skill set of helping hospitals manage supply chain costs.  A few years ago, former Consorta CEO John Strong decided to lend some of his best procurement negotiators to the United Way for a short period of time.  Their advice helped this non-profit save almost twenty one million dollars in a single year.  Not only did Consorta help the United Way, the catholic hospitals that comprised the company's core customer base resonated with the company's efforts to make a difference by sharing expertise.  These hospitals all belonged to the United Way, and the goodwill generated by Consorta's sharing efforts more than offset any time-off-the-clock.  

This is my challenge to you today.  Find at least two business contacts that your skill set can help.  You'll be surprised how valuable your skills can be, and trust me, your efforts to help will be remembered for a long time.

A networking plan for success

Elmer Letterman had a great strategy for networking: Help others succeed by connecting them with new partners.  Every Friday, he connected three people that "should meet".  In 10 years, he became a local life insurance rockstar, even though he never sold during his famous networking lunches.  

You can do it too.  Either face2face, via conference call or three-way email, you can/should/must commit to connecting three people a week.  Find partners, jobs, projects or new friends for your network and watch it explode. 

My new video: The Elmer Letterman Story (from the FIS Conference 2009)

The Elmer Letterman Story from Tim Sanders on Vimeo.

Going offline

Last night I went offline. 

<Fair disclosure: Jacqueline had a cell phone, purely for security purposes or if we were stranded and needed a ride. It never came out of her purse all night, though, so I was still technically offline.>

It wasn't easy, though. Jacqueline and I went to the Hollywood Bowl to see a concert.  The local Twitterati were there, snapping pics and uploading of-the-moment reviews of each set.  The texters were also in full force, looking up occasionally at the stage at the spectacle.  The amateur-paps were there, taking pics on their cell phones and smuggled in micro cameras.  All of them were only 1/2 in attendance last night. 

Me?  I went empty handed, device free -- the only way to truly be offline.  When the first act, a Motown-soul throwback singer Raphael Saadiq went on stage, I felt around for my iPhone to take a snap and tweet about it.  Ah, that's right, I promised I would be offline tonight.  At first, I felt like my following was going to miss out on a blow-by-blow account of last night.  

By the middle of Santigold's set (mostly vocals sang against a backing tape), I was fully engrossed in the night.  People watching, philosophizing and enjoying myself like a kid -- I was fully offline.  Because I wasn't distracted by any tech, toys or need to be 'working my social circle', I was able to fully immerse myself into a real-world experience.  How rare, how liberating!  

I've decided that from now on, when I'm attending something that deserves 100% of my attention, I'm going to go offline and delay my tweets until later (I call delayed tweets DT's).  I don't need to take the photos, someone else will do that for me.  For example, I saw a young man snapping pics of the headlining act (Femi Kuti, fantastic AfroPop band) on his digital camera.  I gave him my business card and asked him to send me a few pics and I would promote him in exchange.  He loved the deal.  

Going offline, I've learned, requires cutting off the mobile-digital tether. Starting out in 2002, I stopped carrying my cell phone on weekends, so long as I had easy access to someone else's or a pay phone for emergencies.  Slowly, but surely, people in my life figured out that I wasn't available over the weekends or at night. They adjusted.  They became accustomed to hearing back from me the next working day.  My life got much better, and my head cleared out.  With blogging, Facebook, tweeting and the like all of that changed (again).  So it's time for work-life-balance 2.0.

Can you go offline?  Really, can you go out this week w/o any digital devices or with a phone as a standby only?  

If you can't, I think you are missing out on life. If you feel like you need to connect with social media all the time, or shoot everything you see, you are working 100% of the time and you'll burn out.  Timothy Ferriss, a modern day philosopher-wunderkind, argues that we should only check our email three or four times a day, taking back our life.  This is a good step, something I've been working on.  

You need to go further.  Carve out two hours a day and one evening this weekend and go offline.  No checking emails.  No sending/receiving texts.  No blogging, photo taking or podcasting.  Be in the present moment, lapping up the experience with no urge to share.  Fill yourself up with analog life.  

You'll find that the experience is recharging and gives you the necessary contrast to live a full life.  It's harder than you think, though.  You'll be tempted to blend offline with online, because content comes around every where you go.  But if you don't unplug it soon, you could be swallowed up in an escalating sense of digital duty that will eventually rob you of your own sense of personal existence.  

If you like this idea, join me in making "Declarations Of Being Offline."  Either Tweet or update status at Facebook to declare: "I'm going offline!"

  

  

A theory about selfishness

In the last few months, I've developed a theory about why people are selfish. 

Traditionally, we might think of a selfish person as having a character flaw.  In some cases, we attribute selfish or greedy behavior as a sign of immaturity (eg. "He'll grow up someday and learn to share.) 

Both of these notions are likely wrong.  I think that selfishness is a symptom of a lack of confidence. We hoard because we think that the pie of life is shrinking and we aren't confident we'll get our fair share. We keep ideas to ourselves because we fear we'll never have another good one again. 

We pass-the-plate for charities, church and friends in need because we are not confident that we'll ever make money again.  In other words, selfishness flows from a crisis in personal confidence.  As the economy shrinks from a lack of business confidence, love and charity shrink from a lack of personal confidence.

When I see someone behaving selfishly, I see a personal recession in full bloom. If you want to help someone learn generosity or patience, help them find some confidence.  They can seek self confidence or confidence in an organization they belong to.  When they find this confidence, they will also find the abundance mentality.  

To come in future posts: How to bolster your total confidence and coach it in others.  

Networking for Mentoring

Guest post by Mark J Carter (with Saving The World at Work/Networking For A Cause)

When you're networking what are you usually looking for?  Clients? 

If it's business relationships within your own company, then what?

For both those cases there's a new reason to network: to become a mentor or find a mentor.

Tim says in "Saving The World At Work": "Corporate mentorship programs help employees become more successful at the company and lay the foundation for flourishing careers." and "If your company doesn't have a mentorship progra, think about creating one yourself."

Here's a quick strategy for networking for mentoring (both at events and within your company):

If you want to BE a mentor know what your expertise is, how much time you have to offer and talk about those with people.  Ask them (at events) what type of people they're looking for and why.  If they mention struggling with the subject of your expertise offer to help, even if it's a phone call.

If you WANT a mentor isolate one or two skill sets you'd like to learn...then talk about them and directly tell people you're looking for someone to help you learn.  The best mentors tend to be the most giving people.

Mentoring can be one of the most rewarding experiences.

Have you been a mentor?  Had a mentor?  How did that professional relationship help your career?

Post your response below; looking forward to talking!

 

Give good phone

The mobile phone has not helped the quality of calls we make.

In fact, mobile phone conversations are usually pretty lame: choppy, distracted, banal and often interrupted. When someone calls me, and they are ordering a burger as they talk to me, it is not a very good experience.

Over the last year or so, I’ve decided to stop making important calls on the run. When I want to give good phone, I shut down my laptop, spend a few minutes collecting my thoughts…then I call someone on my phone and totally concentrate on that call.

The results? Much more gets accomplished and the listener can sense your attention and respect for them. I know we are all busy, and feel like travel time is perfect phone time – but it is not. Working on time management may do more for you than cramming phone calls into driving, shopping or some other mobile activities.

I believe that the quality of our conversations determines the quality of our relationships and business life. They provide the nutrition that feeds both. So why would you eat ‘fast phone’?

Be a deep listener

For a few years, I've shared my story about the day I discovered the key to showing empathy to others.

The idea is simple: When someone is experiencing strong emotions, don't try to fix them. Instead, make yourself emotionally available to try and 'feel' the feelings of others. It is not easy. My guiding rule in relationship management is the following three words: FEELINGS ARE FACTS. They are not opinions or whims offered up for our judgement or counsel. When you respect or taste other people's feelings, you deliver them a strong sense of validation -- that their feelings are legitimate and important.

Finally, I've put the video of that story (The Coco Story) up on YouTube.
Check it out!