May 16, 2011

How To Break The Jerk At Work

#1 question I get on the road: How can I fix the jerks at work? 

Too often, my audience wishes that someone they know from work would have heard my talk about relationships, generosity and loving people.  At first, I thought that conversation and encouragement could turn around any jerk.  After all, the reason people are negative is that they are afraid, suffering or under poor influences.  

But in reality, sometimes it takes a more visceral experience than some jaw-jaw to create a personality breakthrough.  At a recent conference, a defense industry executive shared one strategy that worked like magic on a ahole engineer he wanted to fix instead of replace. 

This executive staged a 'video intervention,' where he interviewed co-workers on camera about what this engineer did to them, how it made them feel and the impact it's had on their productivity and happiness.  To make this a zinger, in two cases, the executive visited co-worker's homes and interviewed their families about how this engineer "made mommy feel" and what it's done to their lives. 

The executive summoned a meeting of the engineer and his co-workers, then showed the video to everyone on a big screen TV.  The engineer was devastated by the video, realizing for the first time that his attitudes and behaviors have real consequences on people.  The experience triggered empathy, for the first time, for his co-workers.  

At first, he clammed up and choked up - unable to respond.  But the next day, he sent around a heartfelt note to apologize to the group and ask for another chance to 'play right.'  He brought in a stuffed animal for one of the co-worker's girls featured on the video - and wrote a note saying, "Eric will be nicer to mommy, because she's great." 

It's been a few months, according to this executive, and Eric is still a changed person by the experience.  Now, I've got to warn you that you must first consult your HR or legal lead before trying this one, as it might produce mental anguish or be against policy. 

But, the point of it all is that you can help change people by helping them understand the impact their behavior has on others.  Video does it powerfully, bringing the jerk's output full circle.   The next time someone at work is going off on a co-worker, maybe you should just step in an audit what he just accomplished both emotionally and professionally.  That's a good first response (instead of ignoring it.) 

 

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