February 18, 2010

Lighten Up

 (Caption: Picture of me taken by David Middleton, Feb 2002)

Last week, I participated in a panel discussion at TED.  The topic was CSR and there were two other panelists. Much like all TED events, the schedule was highly compressed and I needed to get my points across in seconds instead of minutes.  TED is a speaker/author's South By Southwest: Get on the main stage, rock the house and you go viral (and your calendar gets really full - just ask Sir Ken Robinson.) 

So, I psyched myself as I drove from Hollywood to Long Beach the morning of the conference. I rehearsed my two minute talk and the ten second answers to boilerplate questions I was expecting.

During the panel, all of my answers and comments were bullet point rapid fire to stay within the lines.  I listened intensely to every comment and responded to questions from the audience like I was hitting the answer button on a game show. 

Later that day, Scott (an audience member) came up to me and complemented me on my advice and content related to measuring the impact of sustainability and community service and how it helps the bottom line.  He said that it was one of the most helpful TED sessions he'd ever attended. 

Then he gave me one piece of constructive criticism: Lighten up. 

"You are a wealth of business-centric knowledge on this topic, and it showed - maybe too much.  The other panelists were light hearted and relaxed.  You should find a way to be a little like them too, and still preserve your content rich approach." 

Wow. The Lovecat needs to lighten up? I've always thought of myself as irreverent, off beat and a little wonky - but never heavy.  Later that day when I got home, I reviewed the Flip footage I had someone shoot of me that day at TED.  The footage did not lie.  I was serious from the second the panel discussion started until the last comment.  I could see it in my face.  I was working too hard.  TED got to me: the status of the event, the time constraints that define the event.  I treated the whole thing like a debate competition.  Where was the funny guy?  Where was the Love?  Where was the dude in the picture at the top of the post?

A few days later, I was reviewing keynote footage for a new branding campaign to support my speaking career.  I noticed the seriousness there too.  Then I realized that between 2002 and 2010 I must have lost a little bit of my innocence, my exuberance, my zest and my sense of humor.  The more I thought of it, the more I realized why it happened: I am too dependent on a single line of revenue (corporate speaking fees) that come from a highly conservative group that seeks safe-serious people to speak to difficult economic times.  It made sense, after all, I am a service oriented person that responds to the customer's demands. 

My narrative went from "you are not alone" (think Love Is The Killer App) to "you are not doing it right, here's how to do it better."  Much less Austin Powers and much more Yoda meets Dr. Phil.  

This is not just a confessional post.  This could be happening to you.  Either the recession or the risk averse nature of business can get into your head and make you too serious to relate to other people.  If you are just bursting on the scene (are you listening Chris Brogan, Gary Vaynerchuk, Tim Ferriss?) you might need to set a date to read this post in five to eight years.  If you have a big mortgage and a small savings account, you might be getting very conservative in your personality to "get by." 

The only way to resonate with others and make your mark is to lighten up a little.  Be a casual but helpful part of conversations.  Never let 'em see you sweat.  Never take a single meeting or event too seriously, so long as you know you are adding value at some point.  Never forget to Love, to Live and to Laugh a little.  If you can, record some of your meetings, talks, etc.  Watch them back objectively and if possible, compare them to older videos. You'll see what I mean.  If you don't have this, read some of your old emails (scour your Sent folder) and read your words for tone and seriousness.  

From this day forward, I'm going to lighten up.  I'm going to ignore the magnitude of events, meetings and business opportunities and focus more on how I can be helpful and enjoy myself along the way.  It will not subtract one ounce of professionalism from my service, in fact, it will help me deliver the joyous point of view that got me a book deal and speaking career in the first place.  

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