May 06, 2009

A theory about selfishness

In the last few months, I've developed a theory about why people are selfish. 

Traditionally, we might think of a selfish person as having a character flaw.  In some cases, we attribute selfish or greedy behavior as a sign of immaturity (eg. "He'll grow up someday and learn to share.) 

Both of these notions are likely wrong.  I think that selfishness is a symptom of a lack of confidence. We hoard because we think that the pie of life is shrinking and we aren't confident we'll get our fair share. We keep ideas to ourselves because we fear we'll never have another good one again. 

We pass-the-plate for charities, church and friends in need because we are not confident that we'll ever make money again.  In other words, selfishness flows from a crisis in personal confidence.  As the economy shrinks from a lack of business confidence, love and charity shrink from a lack of personal confidence.

When I see someone behaving selfishly, I see a personal recession in full bloom. If you want to help someone learn generosity or patience, help them find some confidence.  They can seek self confidence or confidence in an organization they belong to.  When they find this confidence, they will also find the abundance mentality.  

To come in future posts: How to bolster your total confidence and coach it in others.  
Posted at 8:53 AM in Relationship Management  |  Permalink  |  Comments (5)  |  TrackBack (0)

Comments

Commentor

I agree to your point. Most of the time people are selfish because they lack confidece or they feel fear inside. And I personally knew that since at the dark times of my life, I hardly can let go of my past relationship because I am afraid I may not meet the same person as my ex.

Posted by: Free Telephone Chat Lines  |  June 28, 2009 at 11:42 PM

Commentor

Tim - I think you're spot on with the lack of confidence being a root cause of selfish behaviors. I have been making major changes in my life after realizing how selfish I had been in many ways and I see my own personal confidence returning in small increments as I let go of what I feel like I "want" and trading that in trying to give others and myself what I actually NEED.

Thanks as always for your insight!

Posted by: Chuck  |  June 04, 2009 at 08:18 AM

Commentor

It's important to remember that the gifts we get in return aren't always as a result of a financial contribution we've made to others.

Perhaps, we gave our personal time/volunteer that made a difference in the life of someone else.

We never know how the gifts we give will manifest themselves in our own lives.

I think not knowing what treasures will come our way makes life all the more exciting!

But of course, you also have to know how to recognize them when they come.

Posted by: Audley  |  May 07, 2009 at 05:25 AM

Commentor

Interesting theory here. You've got to give to get. If you help other people, they notice. This is how new opportunities are created. Think of giving as an investment. Otherwise you can horde all you have to give, but it'll never grow...

Posted by: @MattWilsontv  |  May 06, 2009 at 12:29 PM

Commentor

but they left something out...
people like him (my wifes father) are selfish because they think they share everything (because they often give) but the reprocussion of that gift is that they have to hear about it for years...until it is paid back. Nothing is truly a gift or a loan with him.
so he thinks he does so much for others but doesn't realize he NEVER gives anything away just to be nice or to care...it's for something in the long run whether it be the fact that he can bitch to everyone about how much he did for that person or the non-stop reminders that you owe him for what he did FOREVER...even after you pay him back.

Posted by: ted campos  |  May 06, 2009 at 11:46 AM

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